Memories

You’d put on oldies music and dance around the kitchen while you cooked Sunday dinner. I used to be embarrassed when my friends came over but now I’d give anything to see you spinning around with that wooden spoon again. You’d grab my hand and make me dance with you even though I couldn’t keep…

The first thing people always said about you was your laugh. It was loud and you’d throw your head back and you didn’t care who was looking. Mom always told you to quiet down but Dad said never change. You laughed at your own jokes before you even finished telling them. The house has been…

Every Friday night for like three years we’d play Mario Kart and eat way too much pizza. You always picked Yoshi and I always picked Luigi. You’d get so mad when I’d hit you with shells right before the finish line. Last Friday I turned on the game without thinking and sat there staring at…

You never left the house without your red lipstick on. Even when you were sick you’d put it on before the nurses came in. “A lady always looks her best” you’d say. I found about twenty tubes of it in your purse after. All different shades but they looked the same to me. I tried…

The chemo made you lose your hair but you said at least now we matched since I’ve been going bald for years. Always trying to make me laugh even when you felt terrible. I found that wig you never wore still in the box. I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know…

You always said you were ready to go. Said you’d lived a good long life and seen enough. But I wasn’t ready to let you go Grandpa. You taught me how to fish and how to tie my shoes and how to change a tire. All the stuff Dad was too busy for. The last…

The worst part wasn’t when you forgot my name. It was earlier when you still knew you were forgetting things and you’d get so frustrated and scared. You’d ask me the same question five times and apologize each time. I never minded but you did. Near the end you seemed peaceful at least. Like a…

I was supposed to call you back that Sunday. You left a voicemail asking about my job interview and said you were proud of me no matter what happened. I was busy and figured I’d call Monday. Monday morning mom called me instead. The funeral director asked if I wanted to put anything in your…

You always said we’d be roommates in college. Had it all planned out. You’d study engineering and I’d do nursing and we’d have this tiny apartment with plants everywhere. The night before graduation you texted me “can’t wait for our adventure to start!” I still have that text. The accident happened two days later. I’m…

88 days. That’s how long you were in the NICU. 88 days of me pressing my hand against the glass, wishing I could hold you. The nurses would position your tiny incubator so I could see your face. You were so small, all those tubes and wires looking too big for your body. I sang…